Trust me on this.

Your vote for President of our disunited red, blue and purple states — an office real estate moguls used to just spend their dollars buying, not trying to serve — doesn’t matter if you live anywhere other than a battleground state.

I live in Texas. But it would be the same story if I lived in New York or California. Or over the fence in Mexico. Or on Mars happily tending to my potato crop.

Only purple states (on this planet) matter.

You can show your drivers license, passport, identification card or whatever it is your state now requires to prevent minority voters from voting for too many Democrats. It won’t matter. If your state is solidly red  (Republican) or blue (Democratic) on John King’s election map, you might as well sleep in.

Thanks go to the Electoral College and its arcane methodology that has  made losers out of four previous candidates who actually won the popular vote — most recently Al Gore — and now makes over 80 percent of our country’s citizens losers because their votes in reliably red  and green states are less votes for real candidates than votes  for continued  disenfranchisement.

Of course, some good comes with the bad: Non-battleground  states avoid the political ad war zone where ads for local  furniture stores, car dealers and grocery stores get replaced by poll-tested ads for DEEPLY SERIOUS candidates peddling vapid, poll-tested pabulum. Unfortunately, some bad also comes with the good: Non-battleground states miss out on the delightful schadenfreude  of watching their unprepared  local t.v. anchors  move from  reporting the latest BREAKING STORIES!! and interviewing witnesses  to car wrecks and robberies to asking (or better said, attempting to ask)  DEEPLY SERIOUS questions to the DEEPLY SERIOUS candidates.

This year we live in an election world where a real estate guy with four bankruptcies to his credit (or too much credit and thus four bankruptcies) and zero political experience can opine on international economic issues, border security and nuclear agreements and deliver policy proposals whose only details are the adjectives used to describe them.  It’s also a world where a first-term senator, with fewer allies in the Republican party than Obama, whose signature accomplishments are consistently opposing legislation that eventually passed, and then, when those failures weren’t noticeable enough, reading fairy tales while he filibustered legislation that also eventually passed, can attract establishment backing because the guy with the adjectives policy is so awful.

And it’s a world where a candidate whose sole interest seems to be proclaiming that democratic socialism is America’s answer to a question  America never actually asked, and if polls can be trusted,  another candidate few people actually trust doing her best to cement that perception, could easily beat the Republican Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

If ever there was a reason to absolve yourself of all responsibility and move to a non-battleground state, this would be it.

How quaint that every four years we get to pretend that our vote actually matters. Websites like 538, Real Clear Politics, Politico and the The Cook Report generate, interpret and report polling data that furthers the illusion that  the citizens of the United States of America  elect our presidents.

The reality? We live in a representative democracy, but a minority of representatives really represent. Citizens in maybe a dozen states (at best) decide who is going to be our president. Call it one person, one faux vote. Credit goes to our Electoral College with additional credit to our obtuse primary voting rules.

Yes, yes, yes, Black Lives (do) Matter. So do black votes. And white votes. And all shades of our citizens’ votes.

Let’s start with primary voting. If you live in a state with early primaries, then you get to set the agenda for what follows. New Hampshire and Iowa citizens this year could choose from 17  Republican candidates who pandered to the local corn and email issues so important to our nation’s economic and geopolitical well-being.

Trump and his fellow match opponents soon also learned  to broaden their focus to include praising Israel and bashing a whole list of bashable people and things: the Palestinians, the Iran and Cuba agreements, Syrian policy and Syrian refugees, illegal immigration, China, NATO, trade deficits, Obamacare, Hillary, economic failures, educational policies, foreign policy, naïve bargaining, Benghazi, private email servers, reporters, cold pizza and anything else that polling or Sheldon Adelson’s acolytes suggested should be attacked.

As new state primaries unfolded and more candidates folded, voters had fewer choices.  Yes, that was sort of conceptually unfair to voters in downstream primaries.  But, in reality, it was more of a  mercy killing. Most of the candidates were already on life support.

And let’s be frank. An all-you-can-suffer candidate buffet only leads to confusion and suppressed Republican party idiocy. Reducing the scrum to a manageable number of future losing candidates releases the toxic  fumes of the real Republican party. That’s when primary voting (and non-voting) rules best work their mysterious wonder.

Do you live in a state where votes are allocated proportionately, winner-take-all, winner-take-almost-all depending on the percentage of the total vote, winner-take-a-higher-or-lower-percentage based on a percentage of congressional districts won,  a caucus state where the rules are still being formulated, or a state where all of the delegates get to act as total free agents? Maybe you live in a territory like Puerto Rico that gets to vote in the preliminary (primary) but not the final (national election)?

Once we move past this primary vortex  we enter the  nominating  convention vortex, where it’s literally possible that no votes will matter depending on what that political party decides to adopt as its every-four-year voting rules. Unfortunately,  none of the current voting rules seem to allow for a Republican party forfeit to the Democratic party. It is a certainty that a candidate will emerge.

Maybe it will be a bigoted populist or a misogynistic racist. Maybe the Republicans will be lucky enough to pick the one person who embodies the best of all these fine losing characteristics. Or maybe  the Republicans will want to pick a candidate that embodies political dysfunction and who no one in the Republican party actually likes.

Or maybe the compromise candidate could be the Electoral College itself.   As long as the Republicans seem to be doing their best to lose, why not take out this anachronism at the same time?

Donald Trump Is President

by Jeff Pozmantier February 29, 2016

The people spoke. At least the smart ones in the big electoral states did. New York and California are such losers. They didn’t want me, so why should I want them? First day in office, they’re out. We’ll be better off  with 48 states anyway. And tell me why  I have to wait until January to begin […]

1 comment Read the full article →

Top Seven Things You Don’t Need To Know Before You Die

by Jeff Pozmantier January 2, 2016

Create lists. Then create lists of lists. Why? Just do it because I said so and stop questioning everything. You’ll live a happier life. If you must know — and I assume you must, because you’ve read this far —  it’s not because  lists of lists  help you get organized. Frankly, if you’re that disorganized, you’ll probably lose your […]

1 comment Read the full article →

Elections, Marriage, Heart Attacks, Sermons, Judaism, Anniversaries, Iran, And Israeli-Palestinian Leadership

by Jeff Pozmantier November 2, 2015

I know it’s been too long. Have you missed me? Oh, there’s no shame in admitting it. But let’s get down to important business — mine, not yours. The extra hour of morning daylight has invigorated by invigorating senses. Or something like that. It’s time to vote  for Houston’s next mayor. It’s also time to vote against anyone conflating supporting […]

1 comment Read the full article →

One Strong Answer To The Violence (And It’s Not To Stab, Shoot, Blame, Make A Speech, Or Call For A New Coalition)

by Jeff Pozmantier October 15, 2015

The senseless, random violence within Israel and the West Bank is truly appalling. The abysmal lack of leadership is truly enduring. What Hand in Hand schools are doing — partially in response to the violence, but entirely because it is Hand in Hand’s mission — is truly inspiring.  I would not normally relay an organizational p.r. piece. But today, with Israelis and Palestinians […]

0 comments Read the full article →

Exclusive Interview With Donald Trump: Shocking Reveals On McCain, Palestinians, Israelis, Iran And More!!!

by Jeff Pozmantier July 25, 2015

Donald Trump’s entry into the 2016 Republican gaggle has captured the imagination of the majority of the Republican party’s cave dweller wing. Political pundits feign surprise. Come on. The man owns black and white, the colors his Republican base loves to buy. He attacks intelligent thought, a position that is obviously quite popular. Complexity? No, everything is simple. SIMPLE! Gun […]

0 comments Read the full article →

This Could Be My Last Blog

by Jeff Pozmantier June 16, 2015

I’m still pondering whether our relationship should continue. I’m unsettled. Did you really miss me? Did you even know I’ve been away for the last couple of months?  Strike that. Too needy.  I’ve been in Chile, land of empanadas, earthquakes, reverse seasons, and people who refuse to accept that English is their universal language. But that was only for a week. I […]

0 comments Read the full article →

Benjamin Netanyahu: The Best Republican Candidate?

by Jeff Pozmantier April 13, 2015

The Republican candidate field is an embarrassment of richness. And surnames. It features politicians mouthing poll-tested and PAC-bought positions against this and that today and that and this tomorrow — until the polls or PAC funding changes. What else should we expect when we don’t have laws that apply China’s one child policy to Republican families? Any natural born U.S. citizen can run […]

0 comments Read the full article →

A New Plan: Behead The Opposition

by Jeff Pozmantier March 9, 2015

Springtime signals its entrance as  temperatures warm and leaves and flowers reliably return. Election time in Israel signals its entrance as politicians emerge from their hibernation and their embarrassing proposals reliably return. Israeli Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman, Israel’s secular mullah, recently awoke. His proposal?  Behead Palestinians. What makes Lieberman’s plan so unique is he doesn’t limit it to terrorists or criminals. His focus is on  Israeli […]

0 comments Read the full article →

Et Tu, Bibi? Netanyahu Made His “Bad Deal” Worse

by Jeff Pozmantier March 5, 2015

Supporters of Israel sometimes disagree about tactics, threats and how to best insult the person they feel isn’t really pro-Israel or pro-Israel enough. Two Jews. Check. Three opinions. Check. Four Kapo insults. Doublecheck. Some of us with nothing better to do also disagree about how, when, and where to express support for what is still the Middle East’s only democracy and nuclear power, and also its uncontested […]

1 comment Read the full article →